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Day +62  – Good Days & Daydreamers 

I knew when I went this morning to the hospital it was going to be a good day. Not just a good day, a great day! Jennifer downed a bowl of cereal without much hesitation.  Eating is always a good sign of feeling better. Not too much before 10am, her doctors showed up with the news that Jen could leave the hospital. And by 11am, we were driving away from South Canon Garage.  

We weren’t at the hotel for more than an hour and already Jen was looking to do something.  Another good sign. We decided to go down to the Short North and enjoy this beautiful Memorial Day. We spent a good couple hours window shopping, as many shops were closed for the holiday.  I got my workout pushing a wheel chair. I had to learn how to avoid bumps in the sidewalk.  Luckily, Jen survived my wheelchair workout. It really isn’t an easy job when you stand 5 feet nothing and can’t see much over top the chair. 

After the Short North,  we drove down to German Village to enjoy the brick streets and picturesque houses. Jen became tired quickly and so we came back to the hotel to watch the Indians on TV and relax.

The day was just what I have been missing terribly. Nearly every outing thus far had left me worrying a great deal. The look on her face usually tells me she isn’t enjoying herself, but today that face didn’t show itself until after our drive through German. Village. For some this may not seem like much, but to us it was so uplifting.

Now as she rest,  I sit here day dreaming.  I haven’t given myself much permission to daydream. Especially not daydreams that include Jen. When I had, it had always left me feeling sad. But not today. Today, I’m daydreaming about the future, Jen’s future. Jen has such a passion for so many things.  And so I daydream about her doing the things she use to talk much about. 

The girl would love to travel. To Africa to see the elephants,  to Italy to see the art. She would love to spend days on the beach or near a mountain or a river, drawing or painting the day away. Or working in her quaint little shop, that has a loft,  painting or restoring a piece of furniture or maybe building a new piece with her dad. Or maybe sit by a big picture window  watching the rain as she designs something in photshop on her dream computer, a Microsoft Surface Studio. Or maybe head to Waco, Texas and work with Jo-Ann from Fixer Upper on HGTV.

Jennifer is definitely my daughter because she has so many paths she would love to pursue. And for the last several months, I quit thinking about those daydreams.  Until today. Today was a good day. A day for daydreams. 

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I’m back here in Columbus with Jennifer. She is still making others on the transplant floor look bad as she has rolled through day +8 now without fever or vitals being an issue. Her and I went to the support group meetings they have here for patients and caregivers. The nurse and social worker were amazed someone at day +8 allogeneic BMT  (meaning non related donor) was up and going to a support group meeting.

Having said that, I can tell you Jen is feeling fatigued. She still cannot overcome this cough and she told me this evening she just can’t get comfortable and rest like she wants. She fought tears back while telling me this. So now I’m on a mission to find her some relief. I pride myself in being persistent. …. aka Momma Bear.

We found blessings everywhere we could find them today, …maybe more me than her. Her grandparents stopped in Columbus on their way back from Florida.  It is the first she has seen her grandpa since her diagnosis and first she has seen grandma since early December.

I also found a blessing or maybe knowledge I needed to find today at the support group meeting.  I had questioned us going as I thought maybe Jen would just want to rest. But we went. There have been times,  I hope for Jen to be excited about something or looking to go do something she has been wanting to do. I want the world for her and will move mountains to make it happen. But sometimes as I am spinning circles moving mountains, she just wants to stop, rest, and heal. For a while even small things can seem overwhelming.  Reading text messages and responding,  opening a card, calling her insurance company, or filling out a form. I find myself repeating to her what needs done like a mom of a teenager. I actually realized this has been ongoing for nearly a year. Which makes me wonder how long she fought low counts and fatigue. I thought before cancer this was due to laziness. After her diagnosis I thought it was a sign of her surrendering to her illness. I was wrong on both counts.”   It is cancer, chemo, and healing. I needed to learn that.

So prayers tonight for a quieted cough, less fatique, and patience on my part. She will get through all this. And so will I.

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Maybe Day 1 yet today….

This morning a new doctor on Jen’s case came to see her. A new look at her brings a new view and a different approach. Although we were disappointed Jen didn’t start chemo yesterday, the delay may have been a blessing in disguise.

The doctor looked at her file before coming in and had a couple questions about why induction chemo and not consolidation. Because her counts remain well and because it seems as the cancer cleared up, so did the rashes, he wondered if she is actually in remission.

He shared with us there was a test that had not yet gotten back that is more specific at looking at the abnormal cells and determine if they are premature new growth cells or cancer cells. And he thought possibly some since her numbers are in average range, this very well can be the case. He also thinks possibly the rashes are leukemia in her skin and as her cancer improves, so did the skin.

So while waiting on that test result, Jen gets results of her echo this morning. Frequently, induction chemo can do heart damage. When young like Jen, the heart repairs itself over time. Jen’s heart showed some damage. Then earlier then expected, the result from her biopsy comes back. And it is a good news, bad news thing.

The good news is because the need for time to repair her heart, they think consolidation chemo is the way to go. This means five to six days in hospital and home. It is not as intensive, shorter stay, and saves the induction chemo for transplant. The bad news is she truly isn’t in remission, as the doctor had hoped.

So now with a different plan, she moves forward with 2 hours on chemo and 12 hours off and that repeats for five days. And to her delight, she gets to come home early next week and be home for her birthday.

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Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve!

Jen continues to improve. No fevers since Thursday evening. No oxygen for the last 24 hours. Today they are taking off the cath and heart monitor. One more day of antibotic however I convinced doctor to wait until 7pm (normally 5pm) to get it as the premed for it makes jen sleepy. The doctor said her ANC is up and he no longer hears crackles when she breathes. All positives.

Jessica Crawford and Matt Honigford are on their way down to celebrate Christmas with her dad and I.

Make today a great one! And be sure to remember the reason behind Christmas.
Love ya all!