Last night we were discharged at 4 am. Didn’t get home until after 6.
I was diagnosed with a blocked salvatory gland. Due to all the meds I have been taking for this sinus infection.
Here’s the kicker. The only way to fix the blocked gland…..is to eat sour candy! Now I can handle that!
Well change of plans. We are checked in at the ER next to the James. While eating the swelling in my neck had gotten worse and we were advised to go to the ER. At least this way I can get my CT and ultrasound done faster.
So mom and I are headed to Columbus. The James wants to evaluate me. With my sinus infection and now a swollen gland or node on my jaw line.
I pray this doesn’t land me in the hospital. But just incase I’ve packed a bag.
Jen makes leukemia look easy. If she has pain, she hides it well. If she has worry or fear, it is disguised by a smile. I believe it is her faith that pushes her through….something she has always had but now so much more apparent.
She enjoys moments like each are golden….whether it is going to a hockey game with her brother and sister or enjoying an old family video with her dad. And although she sleeps more than most, when she is awake, we are greeted with smiles and conversation.
She is looking forward. Not only to several months and years from now but also to the days that will be here soon. She can tell you when opening day for her beloved Cleveland Indians is. And what day Beauty and The Beast comes out to theaters. Life doesn’t start when the cancer is gone and she no longer is getting treatments. She has too much to do to wait until then.
I have much to learn from my 29 year old daughter. She has taught me so much already. And I will enjoy each lesson as they come ….Hopefully as well as she teaches them.
Everyday I worry. I look at Jen and worry. Some days, I see illness in her. I could see it even before I knew it was leukemia. Jen has been fighting a cold for some time now but in the last week + she has been coughing a lot. And each night, I hear her in her room, across the hall from me, coughing…. I pray for her to stop and be able to rest.
Yesterday I decided we needed to have her accessed to make sure this cough hasn’t become something more. I called the James, and asked their opinion. So off to Delphos Ambulatory Care we went to have her lungs listen to, her vitals and counts checked, and a chest xray. And other than they think maybe the cold has turned into a sinus infection, everything turned out ok.
But I still lay here and worry. I know most mommies can understand worry, but this goes deeper than the worries I had prior to cancer. Nothing I can even put into words. Nothing I would wish on anyone. It is painful every moment of every day….even as I sleep.
I just asked Randy when life will feel normal again? Will it ever feel normal? When can I lose myself in my camera or deposit a check into my business account? When will I stop trying to wrap my head around cancer? Or stop praying I figure out how we keep our heads above water? When will Jen get back her energy enough to paint me a masterpiece and will it be before she has her transplant? When will she be once again be strong and ready to take on the world? When?
I’m told this is a marathon….one that goes on for many years. And although come maybe fall, it will slow. ..the watchful eye goes well into 2022 and maybe beyond. 2022! That sounds like a year out of futuristic movie where we are all flying around like the Jetsons.
So as each of you dread your Monday, I’m hoping maybe my Monday isn’t too far off. It’s much easier having some control over your life and the direction it’s going, than lying here listening to her cough. Never forget how blessed you are…..and always thank God for them.
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So we ended up at Delphos Urgent Care thus afternoon. The James wanted us to be sure my lungs ate still clear.
So far we have had my bloody central line dressing changed, had a chest xray, and cbc’s checked.
Lungs sound good, still waiting on xrays to come back, and cbc’s look good. And here I was thinking I was going to wind up in the hospital today. Looks like a sinus infection for me.
So change of plans yet again.
Transplant Admission is now on the 21st.
Rally Together With Jennifer 