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Find Blessings Each Day

The day we elected Donald Trump, Jen’s Doctor had called and said that she needed to see a hematologist. Three days later, we heard the word leukemia. Since that day, life has changed.

No more do we have time for ugliness and complaining. When we do, we are missing out on the blessings that surround us. No matter where we fall politically, we live in a great nation. We have friendships. We have the beauty of each day. We have each other.

It took leukemia for Jen and the rest of us to learn that. Maybe all the rest of you can by pass cancer, and take our lesson from our journey.

May you, your friends, and nation always find blessings in each day.

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A Word From Jen

So the plan is still on to be discharged on Monday after my last chemo drip and fluids which will be around 2:30ish.

So if anyone sends me anything to the hospital by this point it will most likely get returned to sender unless it is one of the online ecards that get printed and delivered to me.

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Maybe Day 1 yet today….

This morning a new doctor on Jen’s case came to see her. A new look at her brings a new view and a different approach. Although we were disappointed Jen didn’t start chemo yesterday, the delay may have been a blessing in disguise.

The doctor looked at her file before coming in and had a couple questions about why induction chemo and not consolidation. Because her counts remain well and because it seems as the cancer cleared up, so did the rashes, he wondered if she is actually in remission.

He shared with us there was a test that had not yet gotten back that is more specific at looking at the abnormal cells and determine if they are premature new growth cells or cancer cells. And he thought possibly some since her numbers are in average range, this very well can be the case. He also thinks possibly the rashes are leukemia in her skin and as her cancer improves, so did the skin.

So while waiting on that test result, Jen gets results of her echo this morning. Frequently, induction chemo can do heart damage. When young like Jen, the heart repairs itself over time. Jen’s heart showed some damage. Then earlier then expected, the result from her biopsy comes back. And it is a good news, bad news thing.

The good news is because the need for time to repair her heart, they think consolidation chemo is the way to go. This means five to six days in hospital and home. It is not as intensive, shorter stay, and saves the induction chemo for transplant. The bad news is she truly isn’t in remission, as the doctor had hoped.

So now with a different plan, she moves forward with 2 hours on chemo and 12 hours off and that repeats for five days. And to her delight, she gets to come home early next week and be home for her birthday.

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Update from Jennifer

So my chromosome testing came back tonight!

There was only one cell that showed the chromosome flop or one sign of cancer. Which is great news.

I will be starting chemo tonight. I will be doing a different chemo than before. This chemo will go over the course of 5 days and if all goes well I can go home on Monday!

Oh and the doctor thinks we are 6 weeks from transplant admission!

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Maybe Day 1 yet today….

Maybe Day 1 yet today….

This morning a new doctor on Jen’s case came to see her. A new look at her brings a new view and a different approach. Although we were disappointed Jen didn’t start chemo yesterday, the delay may have been a blessing in disguise.

The doctor looked at her file before coming in and had a couple questions about why induction chemo and not consolidation. Because her counts remain well and because it seems as the cancer cleared up, so did the rashes, he wondered if she is actually in remission.

He shared with us there was a test that had not yet gotten back that is more specific at looking at the abnormal cells and determine if they are premature new growth cells or cancer cells. And he thought possibly some since her numbers are in average range, this very well can be the case. He also thinks possibly the rashes are leukemia in her skin and as her cancer improves, so did the skin.

So while waiting on that test result, Jen gets results of her echo this morning. Frequently, induction chemo can do heart damage. When young like Jen, the heart repairs itself over time. Jen’s heart showed some damage. Then earlier then expected, the result from her biopsy comes back. And it is a good news, bad news thing.

The good news is because the need for time to repair her heart, they think consolidation chemo is the way to go. This means five to six days in hospital and home. It is not as intensive, shorter stay, and saves the induction chemo for transplant. The bad news is she truly isn’t in remission, as the doctor had hoped.

So now with a different plan, she moves forward with 2 hours on chemo and 12 hours off and that repeats for five days. And to her delight, she gets to come home early next week and be home for her birthday.

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Day 0

Day 0
Although Jennifer has been admitted today, she is not at day 1…as they haven’t started her chemo. I don’t understand when they know she was to be admitted today, why they didn’t schedule the things she needed done to start chemo. We got here just after 7am and got her room at 9am. And then…we waited.

It wasn’t until 4 pm they did her pic line, that wasn’t ordered until late morning. They got her xray done at 5pm, also scheduled today. She needs an echo done also and they won’t start chemo until she has one. Her echo isn’t until tomorrow morning. …so no chemo today.

Jen is anxious to get this going. She would have started last week if she could have. She has a birthday two weeks from today and does not want to spend it here.

We learned today her donor is ready when she is….and the pliminary plans is she will start transplants as early as late February. ..probably beginning-mid march. We have many weeks of Columbus in our near future.

Jen’s numbers today were still in the normal range so she continue to feels pretty good.

It has taken nearly 10 weeks, but for the very first time I saw Jen have anger. She knows the stress of this long stay is on not only her, but me, her dad, her brother and sister, and the pets. And whether it is guilt, anxiety, or fear, she finally burst. She is in such need to know she has not only us here for her, but also a need others are here for us. But even more so, for her. I try to be her mountain, her wall of strength but she sees through this sometimes. Even now I fight hard to not cry in front of her and she tries hard to comfort me.

More then anything in this world, I want for Jen to know she is loved. I want her to never doubt that. Today I am trying hard to to wrap her in as much love as I can give . But mom’s love is not enough. She needs more then I can give.

Prayers for her. For her siblings, dad, pets, and me. Cancer sucks!

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Gestures = Blessings

Gestures. They make a difference.

As we prepare to go back to Columbus for another hospital stay, I was going through the things from our last stay.  In it was a hairband of Jennifer’s.  When she was admitted last time, the hairband had a purpose and it went on the trip with us. This time, it stays behind. I started thinking about Jen standing in the bathroom, brushing her hair.  I miss that. It is such small things I miss.

But I decided to not let it consume me, but instead focus on the blessings I find each day. Many of them come in the way of a small but significant gesture. So a list of gestures over the last several weeks, I present to you.

  1. The meal that showed up at our door.
  2. The random note left for me or Jen.
  3. The message left on Jennifer’s facebook wall with words of encouragement.
  4. The extra money found in a bank account from an anonymous person.
  5. The package of cards created by the little kids at daycare.
  6. The $5 donation made by someone who posted days before on facebook  they were broke.
  7.  The candle lit at church with a prayer for strength.
  8. The visitors.
  9. The garbage can placed back near the house on a windy day.
  10. The card sent from someone who we never met, who saw in an art group Jen was in the hospital.
  11. The hand placed on my shoulder, saying you are praying for Jen.
  12. The gentle smile from who had never been so kind before.
  13. The meal that was paid for when we were out on our way to an appointment.
  14. The many prayers made each and every day for Jen.
  15. The nurse who took an extra minute to give me a hug.
  16. The people who have given blood in Jen’s honor.
  17. The people decided to be on the bone marrow registry.
  18. The friends who listen to me cry and scream when I am falling apart.
  19. All the cards of get well. And of course Christmas cards.
  20. The gift cards that filled our tanks and tummies.
  21. The monetary donations that have got us through when we aren’t able to work.
  22. The help with the house, the dogs, the meals, the laundry, and all the rest that goes without me when I’m with Jen in Columbus.